lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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