Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
