You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
