is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
