If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
