I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
even my farts smell like vagina
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
