you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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