Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
