Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
