so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just google imaged poop.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
