I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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