dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
