I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize