there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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