I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
