I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
