I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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