If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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