Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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