I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
