I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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