Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
