Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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