I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
