PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
