i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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