I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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