so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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