2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
