how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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