Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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