ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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