Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
