I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize