i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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