you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
