Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
