Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
