WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
