I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
