I got chris browned last night
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
