so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
