we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
