I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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