just tell him i said nine months
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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