"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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