I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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