Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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