Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
