what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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