The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
