Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
