I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
