Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
