Sry I called you an 8
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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