$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
