i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
