the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize