yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
