In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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