how do flat chested girls get laid?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
